Episode 19 & 20: Altared States & Ties That Bind
Karl Urban has his breakout role, Gabrielle is high as a kite, and the writers have 10 different competing ideas for the theme of a single episode
Season 1, Episode 19: Altared States
DEVIN
A boy must leave home, and he runs through the beautiful fields of Rohan. Seriously, New Zealand has never looked more New Zealand-y.
Cut to a beautiful waterfall. Xena and Gabrielle’s clothing is artfully draped across the trees. They’re swimming in a watering hole. “Come on Gabrielle, you’ve been wanting to try this for ages,” Xena says in a VERY suggestive manner. Turns out she’s been trying to catch a fish with her bare hands. Suddenly a boy runs out of the woods, away from something. Xena and Gabrielle pull him under. The boy’s hunter is after him and Xena emerges from the water like a freaking siren. She grabs her leather costume and despite being soaking wet somehow manages to immediately squeeze into it. She uses the freshly caught fish to fight off the attackers. “Don’t let them take me!” the boy cries. Turns out his dad wants to sacrifice him.
Is this a young Karl Urban??? IT IS A YOUNG KARL URBAN. Karl Urban is the boy’s brother Myell (? There are no subtitles again in this episode). They hide out while Xena goes to confront the boy’s family.
Karl Urban is a *very* beautiful youth. The boy is Eichus. God has commanded that the boy be sacrificed. Who, Ares? Zeus? “The one true god,” they say, which sounds very Christian. Didn’t Xena just give a bunch of Christians the Ark of the Covenant back, like, 2 weeks ago? Man, early Christianity was the worst (or maybe, consistently bad across all eras). Karl Urban aka Eomer goes on a long patriarchal rant about an unnatural woman like her being an affront to nature and the usual Christian jabber. Xena finds the boy’s mother who prefers the Greek gods (no kidding, they’re chill!) and gives Xena a loaf of nut bread to take back to Eichus.
But, the nut bread was drugged by Karl Urban, and Gabrielle and Eichus already ate some and now Gabrielle is passed out on the ground, drugged and very silly. Eichus is gone. Xena goes to find him but Eichus has already run back to his mother for help, where he is immediately kidnapped by his father? Or someone else? Everyone sort of looks the same in a floofy blonde-ish sort of way. Family, probably! Who knows!
They take him to the altar to be sacrificed, but Xena manages to cause a diversion on the way and scoops up the boy with a lasso. The boy is missing now and despite the perfectly blue sky, suddenly thunder crashes. “And I thought our gods were harsh,” Xena deadpans, while Gabrielle conducts an imaginary orchestra while high as a kite, “great percussion!” God is demanding his sacrifice, as everyone hears a voice intoning from the sky. “I don’t believe everything I hear,” Xena says as they scoop up Eichus’ despondent father even though she just heard a literal voice booming in the sky. Ancient Greeks were like meh, I’ve seen more impressive things. Eichus’ father (what’s his name??? I can’t catch it and I miss my subtitles) can’t figure out why God is making him do such terrible things, but wait, he’s being drugged too.
Gabs conducts her orchestra, high as a kite.
Gabrielle shows up and Karl Urban grabs her, aha, it’s Karl Urban who’s trying to drug and kill everyone. He drops Xena and Gabrielle into a very deep well. Xena then effortlessly pulls them both up the rope to escape, despite the well’s axel breaking approximately 5 seconds before they reach the top of the well.
But it turns out Karl Urban is the one making God-like noises through the valley! He has a huge gong and an old-timey megaphone that he uses to make their father think he’s God to make sure Eichus makes it to the altar and demands he kills him (because our father always loved you more than he loved me etc). It is a very impressive gong. Honestly if this is how most religions started I would not be surprised.
Eomer and his “Loud Talky Thing”
Xena and Gabrielle stop him in the knick of time because, wait, I think the real God’s voice suddenly breaks through the sky and assures Eichus’ father that he has proven his faith, but Karl Urban throws himself into the ravine anyway. I guess this was about Abraham and Isaac after all, feat. Xena! Tragically this means that the episode ends with our girls mildly in awe of ‘the one true god.’ Mmmkay.
I think we’ll see you again, Eomer of Rohan!
SAGAN
Check out that 80s hairstyle on the woman in the opening credits!
Also WOW, naked Xena and Gabrielle being ~extremely suggestive~ and adorable. That screenshot is the only fish-holding photo that should ever appear on dating apps. I love how all Xena/Gabrielle content in this how is both very suggestive and/but also wholesome at the same time? I know I mentioned this in a previous episode recap but I still feel like labelling their relationship in any particular box is limiting. Their relationship is so complex and multi-layered, and the lines are really blurred in terms of sexual/romantic/platonic etc. The arbitrariness of their relationship—and that the viewer can really prescribe whatever we WANT to it—is so artful from a storytelling perspective, and very indicative of the skill in character development. It also illustrates just how good Lucy Lawless and Renée O'Connor are with portraying their characters and the relationship… it’s SO thoughtfully done!
ALSO, I just finished watching the Alien/Predator movies, and I feel like Xena rising from the lake AND GROWLING is something that Sigourney Weaver would be very proud of.
BABY KARL URBAN is my new favourite thing! I had no idea he was active on the screen back in the 90s? I did a little Googling and it turns out he also plays Caesar AND Cupid in the X:WPU (which actually makes sense—looking back, I can 100% picture him as Cupid in future episodes!), so I think this might have been one of his breakout roles. My mind is BLOWN.
I also love that you totally glossed over the whole thing where the kid’s father wants to sacrifice him at the beginning of your recap, um, excuse me, that’s a big deal. But I get it—I was also immediately distracted by Karl’s appearance, too.
BUT THIS: “Once while I was sick, he stayed by my bed the whole time. My father’s a good man!” Kid, he wanted to kill you! That's some serious Stockholm syndrome!
You’re right that everyone is floofy and blonde-ish in this episode—it feels like this episode is somehow set in the 80s?
The religious commentary is super interesting in this episode—Karl’s whole *one true god* Christian messaging compared to Xena’s paganism, him saying that her gods are “as primitive as she is,” wow that’s A LOT of white supremacy culture. Yet again, X:WPU is very progressive. (Also—”early Christianity was the worst,” I mean let’s be honest, all of Christianity IS founded on appropriation and genocide right from its start, and frankly nothing has changed over the years with the institution itself...)
Drugged Gabrielle is a very accurate representation of me when I got my wisdom teeth removed and made instant best friends with this other girl in the waiting room. Can’t stop laughing at her conducting an imaginary orchestra. Renée O'Connor is an icon—I mentioned it in our very first episode recap and I’ll say it again, I would love to see her on stage. She has a beautiful presence!
I’m getting big Narnia vibes with the altar (shocker, I know).
Karl is so whiny and jealous with his loud talky thing. Calm down, buddy, your dad can love both you AND your brother! Also: WHO LAUGHS MANIACALLY while they free-fall into a river in the bottom of a ravine!
DEVIN
I guess he’s laughing maniacally because he’ll be back as Caesar soon enough!
CONCLUDING THOUGHTS
“The rock spoke to you?”
“Well yeah, it was a little gravelly but I understood.”
“I don’t bargain with savages” - Good to know Christians have been terrible since the beginning.
Season 1, Episode 20: Ties That Bind
SAGAN
Another floofy-haired bad guy enters the scene! He acts all creepy over a Wonder Woman-esque character, and then is promptly confronted by Ares. We definitely discussed this before but I LOVE Kevin Smith as Ares—he totally nails the charismatic, super expressive rogue. He puts SO MUCH effort into his character. That’s one of the things that I love about this show—all of the actors are clearly so delighted to be on set, and they’re genuinely putting in 100% effort with their acting. They care A LOT about their roles. It compliments the campiness perfectly.
Anyway, I was too distracted by this train of thought to pay attention to the plot at the beginning, which seems to be: bad guys captured some young women (and are referring to them as “girls,” bro, they’re your age!), and Xena and Gabrielle are there to aye-aye-aye and rescue them. Xena saves a grumpy older soldier who, upon realizing it’s Xena, is like “What! YOU’RE Xena? I’m your father.” Dun-dun-dun…
Xena is unimpressed and doesn’t believe this guy, saying that he’d never care enough to *help the helpless* (whoops, got some Angel vibes going there).
“Hey boys. Wanna play?” - Xena to soldiers guarding the young women (okay okay, if we’re going to refer to everyone as boys and girls, I won’t be upset about the seeming gendered issue earlier)
Xena, Gabrielle, and Wonder Woman escape, and Xena’s supposed father tags along, much to Xena’s chagrin.
Floofy-haired Blonde Villain is upset that Xena *stole* his “girls,” and Ares appears again, taunting him, as one does.
FBV: “I’ll never take orders from Xena!”
Ares: “You won’t have to. You’ll be dead.”
FBV convinces random soldier (assassin?) to kill Xena. Meanwhile, Gabrielle chats with Wonder Woman (okay her actual name is Rhea), who mysteriously let herself get captured by FBV. Rhea explains that her sister was supposed to be forced into a marriage, so she was trying to protect her, I think?
Xena then watches while Rhea and others… bathe? Fully clothed? Okay.
Xena tells Gabrielle that she remembers horseback riding with her dad when she was little. Backstory!
Then some poorly-dressed Renaissance Fair dudes try to attack (because Xena’s dad stole a horse from them?), but Xena obviously deals with them no problem, and then she’s upset because her dad is a thief. I’m kinda feeling Ocean’s Eleven vibes here, except there’s not enough backstory to make her father actually sympathetic.
But now apparently Xena’s dad DIDN’T steal the horse? The plot thickens! He says he left the family because he was “too young” (um, dude, Xena’s mom raised a kid and was definitely no older than you, because we already met her! Not much of an excuse! Feels like a real Christopher Hayden situation, if you ask me…)
Then Atrius (the name of Xena’s supposed dad, yes I finally paid attention to someone’s name, I know, it’s a big deal) kills a guy in cold blood in front of Gabrielle, and he’s all like, “no no, it’s okay, the guy had a dagger,” and shows it to Xena, who says, “EVEN I MAKE MISTAKES,” and we all know she’s not talking about Gabby being suspicious of Atrius.
Shortly thereafter, Xena and Gabrielle et al arrive at the town they want to save (where Rhea’s family lives), and they’re all like “um, Atrius is THE WORST, we don’t want your help.” So Xena decides she’ll save the town on her own because “Watch me. I have many skills,” which I now want on a t-shirt, and in return somehow that’ll make up for whatever atrocities Atrius committed in the past. This show is hell-bent on their redemption arcs.
Xena meets up with FBV, who’s wearing a battle helmet now so he’s not nearly as recognizable to me without that signature floofy blonde hair, and he tries to murder Xena with a throwing knife which she obviously catches in mid-air because it’s Xena! What did you expect would happen, buddy! I mean really, he’s been conversing with Ares and everything, he should know better.
Anyway Xena and FBV wrestle for a while, Xena wins and takes over his army (as one does, all in a day’s work), and the army is like “okay.” I would not trust those dudes if I were her—they were JUST fighting against her and now they’re apparently on her side? They aren’t very loyal, just saying.
Ares is pleased because it’s exactly what he wanted (so wily!). Also, why does Ares have a cross for an earring? Dude you’re a pagan! You aren’t Christian! Wait but Christianity stole everything from other religions, right? I can’t remember learning where crosses were stolen from another religion, too. I don’t think Derfel (AKA the beloved Bernard Cornwell character) ever taught me about that when reading The Warlord Chronicles.
Gabrielle tries to get in the middle of things: “Wait! Xena’s my best friend!”
Person holding her back: “Yeah, yeah. Zeus is my uncle!”
I am really not a fan of this whole storyline with Xena’s dad? They have zero connection. He almost dies, but… eh? It kinda doesn’t make sense that Xena freaks out about it, because he’s been SUPER SKETCHY this whole time. I get that Xena sees herself in him because he requires redemption, but… they have no chemistry.
Anyway, it weirdly makes MORE sense when her dad magically turns into Ares, which just tells you how convoluted this episode really is!
Ares and Xena fight, and Xena’s all disgusted with Ares, but even when he gets the chance he can’t bring himself to kill her (obvs!)
“Until next time, Xena… Until next time,” Ares voice whispers as he disappears. Love it.
Then Xena tells Gabrielle that even though they’re born to families they can’t change, their relationship is more important than blood. There are A LOT of themes happening in this episode, and I feel like there were multiple writers arguing about what they wanted this episode to be about, and they couldn’t decide so that’s how this episode turned into what it is. Truly, masterful.
DEVIN
Xena on the other side of a blowdart, throwing it back into the assassin’s throat
My notes for this episode make no sense because this episode is confusing as hell. Well done on wading through it? I was so distracted by Kevin Smith’s velvet cape and dangly cross earring, and then Xena’s dad and then Xena’s bloodlust and then the non-redemption redemption arc that was superfluous because Atrius was Ares the whole time that I just gave up and wrote in all caps “WHAT IS THIS EPISODE ABOUT.”
Me, watching this episode.
My first thought was oh, Sagan, you get another family history story this week only this time is Xena rather than Gabrielle, but actually the whole thing was a ruse and therefore the entire relationship with Atrius is meaningless. I was shocked when Atrius was actually one of the bad guys and then even more shocked when he was actually Ares! I did not see that coming!
My only other notes were, “There’s actually sort of a lot of plot happening? I am obsessed with these women’s costumes but cannot remember what Ares or this blond man is up to.”
However you missed the whole horrifying section when Xena is consumed by bloodlust after she gets her army and then gallops down to massacre the village which includes Gabrielle!!!! And then Gabrielle has to hold off Xena with a pitchfork. It’s shocking stuff, really, considering Gabrielle thinks she’s about to be killed by her best friend.
Love his hat
So what was this episode about? Family? Changing? Ares? Betrayal? Friendship? Terrible fathers? Charismatic but bloodthirsty gods of war? I honestly have no idea, and I’m not really sure who it was for. I suppose we know that there is still this darkness in Xena and that it emerges when the people she cares about are threatened, but shouldn’t the point be that Gabrielle, her chosen family, is the person she cares the most about? Not her deadbeat dad who just turned up two minutes ago? I don’t know, maybe I need to watch this again to figure out what’s going on. Until then, onward and upward.
Thank you for your service.