Episode 5 & 6: The Path Not Taken & The Reckoning
The chakram gets gory and there's only metaphorical baggage
SEASON 1, EPISODE 5: THE PATH NOT TAKEN
DEVIN:
Another episode exploring Xena’s past and how far she’s come from it, and that the road to redemption needs only a small act of goodness to begin. But before we get there, there’s all the plot!
We open on a pair of lovers before their wedding day, planning their future happily. But wait! Someone is in the bushes! The lovers are accosted and the husband-to-be, knocked out, the bride-to-be carried off.
Meanwhile, Xena and Gabrielle arrive in a town. As Gabrielle happily reflects on curiosity and adventure, and recaps their recent victories, she blithely ignores the rather, er, alarmingly violent fights happening non-stop around them. Xena casually does away with all the potential dangers (and the second time in 2 episodes she’s taken a mouth full of drink and blows fire, a good party trick).
As townsfolk clear out in the tavern (“ever notice how we never have trouble getting a table?” asks Gabrielle, oblivious to the fact that indeed, they have a lot of trouble, and Xena is extremely competent getting rid of it so effectively that Gabrielle doesn’t even notice!), the groom-to-be from the clearing finds our heroines and asks for their help to find his fiancee, Jana of Boeotia. Our Romeo is Agranon of Colonus, and their marriage was the only way to solve a long and violent feud between their two families. He’s been blamed for her kidnapping, but he suspects that in fact Jana was kidnapped by the one person who makes the most off of the conflict between families: an arms dealer named Mezenteus. Xena agrees to go to Traechus (a town full of miscreants and murderers -- and her old friends) and bring back the princess.
This is where I turned on subtitles to keep track of the names so I might have the town wrong. Gabrielle worries that Xena will be tempted by her former life. And sure enough, when Xena arrives at the Traechus tavern, who should she run into (over a couple of ‘yo mama’ jokes) but her old flame, the handsome Marcus.
As Gabrielle teases the meet-cute from Agranon (“I’m sure you were riding through a moonlit forest,” she says dreamily, “It was actually a pretty hot day,” Agranon responds) and learns that the Beoetians think Colonus took Jana, Gabrielle is sure it can all be straightened and heads off with Agranon to explain the mix-up to Jana’s father and prevent the encroaching war.
Meanwhile in Traechus, Xena and Marcus’s reminiscing is interrupted by the arrival of Mezenteus who it’s clear is the Bad Guy, but the bad news is that he’s also Marcus’ boss, and he has Jana. Xena’s been trying to convince everyone in town that the stories that she’s changed aren’t true -- she’s still out to make a deal. In fact, she might have one for Mezenteas, “Come to my office later,” he tells her (would love to see an ancient Greek office!), and in the meantime Marcus shows her all the town’s highlights (you know, the weapons warehouse, and his cool outdoor hot tub). Before she can be seduced by Marcus, Xena has to figure out the Jana situation and runs back to Mezenteas’ office (lol) where it turns out Jana’s about to jump out a window and kill herself and/or slit her own throat. Xena fakes a deal with Mezenteas and then convinces Jana not to kill herself (and not-as-convincingly suggests Mezenteas hold off on raping Jana until later, it’s unclear and a little worrying!), tells her to escape (?) later and meet her at the hot tub, and then sneaks down to the weapons storeroom to check it out but is caught by both Marcus and Mezenteas.
As Marcus and Xena companionably chat about how to steal weapons from the city (it’s called “juggling the inventory” says Marcus, and as a weapons investigator I would consider this type of diversion as “leakage from stockpiles” and suggest accountability training for Marcus!) their talk turns personal. It might be that Marcus is waffling from his life of being a mercenary and senses Xena has changed. “Now you have the answer, but I’ve never even found the question,” he says. They kiss.
Meanwhile Gabrielle and Agranon haven’t had much luck on their adventure. They’re in stocks in a dungeon, “No one talks anymore!” Gabrielle complains. Their hours are limited, the war’s already begun and the executioner who will come tomorrow will make them the first two casualties.
Xena escapes Marcus’ embrace and meets Jana at the hot tub to facilitate the escape. But Mezenteus knocks on the door. He tries to seduce her, business partner to business partner while Jana hides in the pool and they get rid of him. Marcus is drinking away his sorrow at the bar when another guy walks in and tells him about the baby from last episode. Wait, Xena rescued a baby, didn’t ransom it? Uh oh! Marcus smells a ruse and runs back to the weapons storage where Xena is packing Jana into a weapons box.
Marcus tries to call her bluff (“this a new arrow, we just developed it”), is it too late for him to change? It is, and they fight. More men arrive and Mezenteas aims the arrow at Jana. It turns out Marcus has changed after all, he jumps in front of Jana and gets an arrow through the heart. Xena slits Mezenteas’ throat with a shakram. Marcus dies dramatically knowing he was on the way to becoming a better person.
A lot of plot, and we don’t even get to see Gabrielle and Agranon freed from prison, or the lovers reunited! The last scene is Marcus’s funeral, and Xena mourns the loss of her friend.
I prefer the buddy-comedy episodes, tbh!
SAGAN:
Yes, agreed about the buddy comedies. This episode, yet again, makes me want so much more backstory on who Xena was before this show began!
The way Marcus defers to Xena and stands up for her and lifts her up publicly epitomizes exactly how every man should act toward women. He’s also not in the least intimidated by her—he admires Xena and isn’t at all insecure about how strong of a leader she is. (Besides the whole thing where he’s kind of a warlord, he’s a great role model.)
At any rate, he’s a fantastic match for her. He would have been a great character to continue popping in to support Xena and Gabrielle on a routine basis throughout the show.
And then we’ve got Marcus almost killing a dude because the guy said that Xena is a good person now. See, he defends her (evil warlord) honour!
(Sidebar: I like that Xena gets some satisfaction when the bad guy regales of her past escapades.)
I love how much both Xena and Marcus both have good hearts: they’ve done not-great things, but they ultimately at the end of the day are both champions of the underdog. They are real equals. I’m EXTREMELY disappointed that they killed off Marcus. He could have been great to pop into future episodes occasionally to help Xena, or to (more likely) come to Xena for help.
On a separate note, Gabrielle is the Queen of Reframing: she’s all like, “We surrender!” ...and then immediately states, “Perfect, we’re getting into the castle!”, like it was her plan all along to get caught. And later on: “What we have here is just a failure to communicate,” Gabrielle says while she’s locked in a stockade.
DEVIN:
Okay, “a good role model” might be a little bit much don’t you think? I think this episode is more about redemption than it is about role models! None of these people are any good except for Gabrielle.
But yeah, the feminism is ahead of its time. I like that even though Gabrielle doesn’t have a lot to do in this episode other than make quippy remarks she still comes off as totally fearless and confident. And yes, though technically she has to be rescued, she’s never relegated to a useless or hopelessly naive character. I see her as more idealistic than naive, by a long shot, and I like that again in this episode you can see the wheels start to turn on her wanting to later become a story teller or writer (I’m not imagining that, right? I’m sure this factors in later. Also I guess ‘writer’ is a bit inaccurate given the setting of ancient Greece).
My point being, all the main characters are consistently strong and driven in their quests, I like that in these early episodes there is no lack of confidence, and a total commitment to doing the right thing. Ah, the 90s, who thought I’d look back on you so fondly when it came to women on television.
SAGAN:
The feminism is so good. And it’s awesome how the women on this show use their sexuality to their advantage. There’s no shame about their bodies or sexuality.
On another note—Have we seen Xena slice someone’s throat with the chakram before? WOW. Isn’t that overly gory/violent for a Saturday afternoon show?
I think Xena only did her war cry at the very end of the episode, which seems weirdly late and it wasn’t even fully fledged. I wonder if Lucy Lawless had a sore throat while making this episode.
I can’t get over how much this show shaped my fashion sense.
CONCLUDING THOUGHTS:
Number of aye aye aye ayes: Sort of one and a half, while Xena fights Mezenteas’s men in the weapons storage (um, armoury)
“Life is an adventure to be explored! And without adventure, what’s the point?”
“I like Xena’s… energy.”
SEASON 1, EPISODE 6: THE RECKONING
SAGAN:
This episode opens with our two heroes journeying along a forest, and Gabrielle wanders off to find… something. I missed that part. Mostly because I was distracted by the way Xena was gazing lovingly at her walking away.
Anyway, immediately after Gabrielle leaves, Xena comes across a mysterious cloaked figure who’s killing people randomly, so of course she fights him. (Sidebar: her little cackle/chuckle to herself when she thinks she’s about to defeat Mystery Man is SO satisfying. Lucy Lawless is a wonderfully expressive actor.)
But wait! Mystery Man can disappear and reappear at will. The villain vanishes before Xena can kill it, and she’s too late to save the townspeople who’d been attacked. Their families appear and assume that Xena is responsible for all the death and mayhem. The townspeople are angry at Xena and refuse to listen to her so she runs off to find Gabrielle, who is bathing herself in a stream, and naturally invites Xena to join her. Xena points out that now isn’t the best time since they’re being chased by angry townspeople with pitchforks, so they run off and escape rather than hanging out in the river together.
Cut to the angry townspeople: They want to kill Xena, but the town leader insists that Xena deserves a fair trial… and that’s when Ares appears! Because, GASP—Ares, God of War, is the mysterious cloaked villain! YES, I’ve been waiting for him to show up!
Xena and Gabrielle wander through gorgeous New Zealand forests, where they are ambushed… but Xena tricks them into letting Gabrielle go and lets herself get captured instead. They remove her armour and allow Gabrielle to visit her, where Xena alludes that she might, in fact, know who the villain is—and that he’s, like, kind of a big deal.
“I understand that you might be feeling a little negative at the moment,” Gabrielle says dismissively while Xena is tied up and imprisoned.
Ares naturally comes to Xena and releases the chains from her wrists. His facial hair is a little out of control. There is SO MUCH sexual tension between them and I am here for it, outrageous goatee notwithstanding.
Ares magically shows Xena how they could live in a castle (?) together. He tries to give her another one of those ugly “fancy” dresses, circa Episode 2 of this show and Indiana Jones. It’s a shame, because Ares chose a blue dress and everything, and it SHOULD really bring out Lucy Lawless’s eyes, but it’s just… not a good look. Sighs.
Sidebar: Why do villains ALWAYS say something along the lines of, “I think you’d be more comfortable than this?” or “I would very much like to see you try it on.” It’s like the Ultimate Villain move: give our heroine an unattractive dress. The first red flag is, of course, that they have terrible taste.
But I digress.
Ares wants Xena to become his warrior queen and Xena resists, but tbh I’d be tempted too. Especially when Ares points out that she can do a bunch of good things if she joins him, because she’ll have so much power.
(...Yeah, he basically wants her to be a benevolent dictator. Because that’s a great idea *facepalm*)
Anyway, Xena says no—so he returns her to the cell. The townspeople are getting a little out of hand (dragging a scarecrow behind a cart? Kinda weird, guys), and Gabrielle finds out that Xena’s going to be executed.
At this point, Ares is hanging out in the background, and he and Xena make eyes at each other for several minutes. I approve.
Gabrielle and the town leader (mayor? King? I haven’t been paying attention) make big speeches to protect Xena from being killed while Xena and Ares continue to gaze at each other. And then Ares glares at Gabrielle from afar: He realizes that SHE might be the reason why Xena won’t join him.
Then there’s a trial where Gabrielle uses her super power (AKA talking) to prove Xena’s innocence.
This is a really awesome aspect of the feminism on this TV show: Gabrielle’s greatest strength is her VOICE. During this trial, she asks questions, she points out all of the flaws in the townspeople’s arguments, and she speaks with emotion. Her character basically leans into a bunch of “annoying/bossy woman stereotypes,” and it’s fantastic.
Okay but unfortunately her impassioned speech doesn’t work immediately, mainly because one of the injured townspeople from before mistakes Xena for the villain. Whoops. And then one of the townsfolk beats up Xena in her cell. Ares magics Xena away to tempt her a bunch more and she’s super into it, so she channels her rage into fighting her way out of her cell (a very natural response, I guess?)
But then Xena, infused with the rage/power of Ares, hits Gabrielle (WHAT? NO!!!) without realizing what she’s doing. Gabrielle runs off and Xena snaps out of it, so she tends to all the wounded men she’d just beat up. Gabrielle returns to help Xena (obviously), but Xena decides she needs to deal with this in a different way: so she calls on Ares.
Xena makes a deal with Ares and tricks/seduces him (which one of them is seducing the other? Who’s to say. It’s all sexual tension up in this episode)... She gets Ares to bring back to life the townsfolk he’d killed. He does it and isn’t even mad, because he’s too busy admiring Xena for manipulating him.
Anyway, the previously-murdered-now-alive townsfolk tell everyone how Xena isn’t guilty, and she goes free. Hurray!
DEVIN:
Halfway through this episode I couldn’t remember why Ares had used such an elaborate plan to get to Xena. He frames her for murder just to tempt her into breaking out because doing so will mean that she’s still bad… I think? Idk this seems very complicated for the God of War with seemingly endless power who can summon armies at will!
Again, the plot that they manage to squeeze into 44 minutes is truly impressive, and I lost track somewhere between the second and third imprisonment (I think?) what the point was. But it’s still fun as hell to watch! I mostly have confused questions about Xena and Gabrielle’s lifestyle. Do these women have luggage? They’re always just riding a horse through the woods and being caught off guard. When Gabrielle is bathing in her shift (bathing is loose here, she’s not wet when she gets up) she just jumps on the horse in her shift, shoeless and holding a dress. First of all, ouch! Second of all, where is their stuff? Don’t they have somewhere to put snacks?
Anyway, I’m easily distracted. But I was also pulled back in by the ‘oh SHIT here comes Ares!’, a character, I too, have been waiting for. My notes also say “she’s tempted by him and his satin suit with a fur cape, his cool Zoom background, hot tub on set, and AGAIN WITH THE DRESS” so clearly we’re on the same page with this stuff.
Tragically, Kevin Smith (our goateed Ares) died 7 years later at 38 in a terrible accident in a film studio in Beijing right before he was meant to be in a Bruce Willis movie. I think he was kind of great and think this is very sad.
However this is when I realized the entrapment plot made no sense and the townsfolk’s pre-enactment of the execution alarmingly came up (I also loved Gabrielle’s logic! She’ll be a great lawyer/bard one day in the future when women can have jobs!) and then I GASPED when Xena struck Gabrielle. We’re only 6 episodes in and already these ladies are gonna have baggage (emotional, that is, as we’ve already stated they must sleep in their clothes).
I don’t know if there’s meant to be a learning moment in this episode for our heroines, other than don’t trust men in satin suits, no matter how many armies they call for you. But our God of War is definitely still going to return for Xena, she’s not out of the woods yet. Upwards and onwards.
SAGAN:
I love everything about what you just said except the part where Kevin Smith died at the age of 38. He is DELIGHTFUL as Ares and would’ve been so good alongside Bruce Willis!
(I mean, he way he delivers this line alone is perfection: “Danger excites you. And as you know, I am somewhat dangerous.”)
But I agree that the entrapment plot makes zero sense. How is Xena not Ares’s soldier at the end? Didn’t their deal specify that?
Xena agreed to be Team Ares as long as she can bring dead heroes back from the grave, but then… Ares holds up his end of the bargain, and doesn’t require her to hold up hers. Probably because he’s so smitten with Xena that he can’t even remember why he bothered with the murdering in the first place.
…Actually, the entrapment plot makes a LOT of sense if we look at it through the lens of “Ares just really adores Xena and wanted an excuse to hang out with her for a bit.” In general, the men in this show just admire Xena, period. They aren’t even intimidated and I LOVE that.
(Although: What’s with the way Ares “kisses Xena’s hand” toward the end, but really just... sucks on her fingers? Kinda weird.)
Gabrielle is the OG lawyer. Her dismissive air of confidence here is everything: “I’ll just have to find some exonerating evidence.” AND ALSO, of course, this line: “There’s a big difference between justice and what the law is. I don’t think we should hang around and wait for justice.” Classic. Gabrielle for president.
DEVIN:
Yeah I don’t think Xena and Ares thought through the specifics of their agreement because I think you’re right -- Xena agreed to be his soldier if she was guilty, but I guess bringing the men back to life makes her … innocent? Sounds like they could have used a lawye--OH WAIT.
I love Renee O’Connor more and more with each episode. “I don’t think we should hang around and wait for justice” is pretty great and, I would argue, works as well today as it did in ancient Greece! I can’t wait to see Gabrielle engage with Caesar and the other Romans in future episodes, I forget how it goes but I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be fun.
CONCLUDING THOUGHTS:
Aye aye aye aye aye’s : 3 at the beginning, while Xena fights Ares. Thank god they didn’t include one while she fights her way out of her Ares-induced cell and smacks Gabrielle. Aye aye aye ayes should be used only for good, not for evil.